What am I talking about?
Baby names, of course.
|It's ok to admit you bought a copy.|
If you've already been talking baby names, you're probably in list-maker mode anyway--so let's go with a list! Here are five common truths about naming your baby that nobody's going to tell you.
1) Understand the Principle of Inverse Proportion. Yes, just like in math class. There's an inversely proportional relationship between the emotional closeness that a person purports to hold with you and the rudeness with which he or she expresses an opinion about your choice of name for your soon-to-be-born offspring. Be prepared to hear everything from, "Well, that's a new one!" to the slightly skeptical, "And you're going to spell it with the 'e'?" to the flat-out incredulous, "You're gonna name him... that?" Best of all, be prepared to hear those things from your closest friends and family members... and from the extended family members you haven't seen since your cheeks were pinch-worthy, but who are suddenly calling to check up on you because they heard you were havin' a little boy and just wanted to know what you were thinking of naaaaming him, darlin'! You know, for the monogramming. Then be prepared to be handed a list of clearly more suitable alternatives, "In case you change your mind."
|Know a handful of John Paul's? So do I!|
|Maybe his taste is just "beyond."|
4) Even John, Mary, Aiden, and Madison will have to spell their names for somebody someday. It's a noble goal, this, "We really want a name that nobody will have trouble spelling or pronouncing, because this will be our child's name for the rest of her life!" I get it! That's a great reason to skip over Chrysanthemum or Aeschylus. But take it from a plain old Laura (everybody knows how to spell Laura, right? Wrong): your child will have his or her name misspelled, mispronounced, or misunderstood by some receptionist or telemarketer somewhere. Don't limit your options--or eliminate some of your favorite contenders--because you're afraid that the general public won't know what to do with the silent 's' in Isla or with the vowels in Seamus. If you love it, use it, and let the world learn something new about phonetics!
5) Your child may go through a period where he dislikes his name. I remember asking my mom what all the names she considered for me were--and every single one of them sounded more glamorous and lovely to my eight-year old ears than the name I had to write at the top of every paper that crossed my desk at school. I wanted to be Elizabeth, Rhiannon, Mary Margaret... anything but Laura Lynn. I think I hurt her feelings, even though what I was trying to do was compliment her taste. My three-year old sometimes tells me he doesn't want his name to be Dominic any more, because he wants it to be Power Ranger. Can you imagine?
|You know you watched it when you were pregnant.|
You can call your child Power Ranger or Pinkie Pie for a while. No matter what you call that baby, she will always call you "Mama." That's the reward you get for all the hard work you'll do. Choosing the perfect name is only the first assignment.